


My Heart Remains With You

by FurnitureGemstone



Series: An Adventurer and a Diplomat [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: 4.3 Spoilers please be warned!, Comfort, Coping, Determination, Everyone is angsty as usual, F/M, Friendship, Grief, Implied Relationships, Look I can't help the shipping sometimes, Loss, MSQ SPOILERS!!!, One-Sided Feelings?, Pining, Prequel/MSQ in-between story, Reflection, SE why, This entire fic has just turned into my WoL slowly going crazy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-05-13 16:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14752230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FurnitureGemstone/pseuds/FurnitureGemstone
Summary: A sort of Prequel/In between to the start of Hair Like Fallen Snow, focusing more on MSQ bits.4.3/4.4/4.5 Spoilers, don't click unless you're caught up in MSQ!It's easy to let your heart wander when you're separated by all of the world.Various drabbles, comfort, and thoughts of the various Scions and WoL after the events of 4.3+





	1. Rising Stones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Warrior of Light reflects on previous events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Last warning: 4.3 MSQ spoilers!)

**_“I believe in you, Alphinaud!”_ **

The Rising Stones had finally quieted, each of its members going off on their own way or retiring to bed. The hall was dark and cool as Eolyn made her way down it. She felt suddenly exhausted, a weariness beyond any she’d felt before, as if her very body had been drained of all its aether, leaving behind only a husk of what she was. It wasn’t the day’s actions that wore so heavily on her body, but that  _ look _ still burned into her mind that made her steps and heart painfully heavy.

She stopped at one door in particular, close to the Solar, letting her hand hover over the knob for a few moments. Cautiously, she opened it, stepping into the familiar room not her own, shutting the door gently behind her. The room was the same as it had been before their departure to Kugane and Doma, a few books laying haphazardly on a table, some pens and sketches sneakily half-hidden underneath. An extra coat from their travels in Ishgard. A half-drunk mug of long-cold tea. 

Eolyn made her way deeper, pulling the coat from its hook and dragging it onto the bed with her. She buried herself between it and the pillows, breathing deeply, hoping to catch some small lingering scent of  _ him _ . In the hopes that if she just closed her eyes and breathed it’d feel like he was still  _ there _ . The faintest scent, the small personal effects that made it seem like he’d only just stepped out and wasn’t currently half a world away.

_ “I believe in you, Alphinaud!” _

She’d put on her bravest face to hide the tears trying to form behind her eyes. To hide the sudden ache in her chest. It wasn’t because she didn’t trust him, no, she truly  _ did _ believe in him completely, with all of her being. But, they’d been at each other’s sides for  _ years _ now. Eolyn couldn’t even remember the last time they’d been truly apart. Yes, they’d spent time away from each other while she was off across the Ruby Sea, or when she’d fought in the Grand Melee and Alphinaud had been away in Dravania. But, even in those days apart, they were still only a linkpearl call away. A short trip to visit each other and enjoy the other’s company. Never so completely lost to contact that they couldn’t at least say hello to each other.

This, however, felt different. She couldn’t predict the danger he may be in, couldn’t easily check in on him, not that he needed to be, she hoped. He was likely enjoying a posh room on the airship, conversing with their new (hopeful) allies, safely in the air and barreling toward uncertain danger. Eolyn sighed, clutching at the bedding beneath her more tightly, hoping that was true. That he was safe and sound and happily chattering away on whatever political topic held his interest.

But, she’d just grown so used to him being right over her shoulder that she suddenly felt like a part of herself had been torn away as well. To the point where she’d found  _ herself _ glancing over as if he’d be there, bounding up to her cheerfully. 

The others had noticed it immediately upon her arrival at the Reach, asking after Alphinaud, wondering why they weren’t for once joined at the hip. There was a sullenness behind her eyes, a light lost behind them that she’d sent away on that airship instead. Perhaps that little piece of her heart would at least keep him safe.

_ “I believe in you, Alphinaud!” _

The sweet smile on his face afterward was seared into her heart. The way he’d lit up before he turned, walking off with renewed determination. That final smile that made her clench her fists so tightly she dug her nails into the skin just to keep herself from chasing after him, staring at the back of his head as he walked away. 

She knew he had to go. Knew that if things were as they predicted, any aid, any new allies he could bring them would be a boon, perhaps even turn the tide of events. She knew he was more than capable, she trusted him fully. In their years together he had proven over and over his prowess both in battle and in the meeting room. Had grown from an overconfident child, to a cautious teen to a competent...man. Eolyn bit her lip, breathing in sharply at the thought. Why hadn’t she realized it until that moment?

_ “I believe in you, Alphinaud!” _

Alisaie’s face shared a similar story, the worry behind her eyes evident despite her attempt to keep up spirits, to not put up a fight and let him go off on his own, to distract them all with tea and sweets and pleasant thoughts. While the twins had been apart for long periods before, their reuniting had seen them grow closer than ever. She’d never heard Alisaie even mention prayer prior, and now it seemed that was all she could talk about, the only thing she could do for her brother’s sake.

When had they both changed from the ones leading the charge to the ones left behind to wait? Is this how it felt to be the one remaining behind for once? Is this how it had felt all those times she had gone off on her own to fight a primal, to slay a dragon, to dive headfirst into danger whilst leaving Alphinaud behind to worry after her?

She wasn’t sure if she believed in the Twelve, but she mouthed a silent prayer to them anyway, hoping that one, or perhaps all, would hear her.  _ Twelve, keep him safe. _ Over and over she whispered the words between her tears, a silent chant to keep the person she cared most about in the world safe.  _ Please keep him safe… Please... _

Eolyn felt the tears welling up in her eyes once more, and this time in the dark of the room she let them flow freely. She let her body shake in silent sobs as she buried her face into the pillow, let herself be consumed by her own sudden grief. Let the ache in her heart hurt so bad that she trembled and shivered.

Tomorrow, she would have to be back to her usual self. The stoic warrior that solved everyone else’s problems. The champion of Eorzea, liberator of nations. She’d put on the same masked smile she always wore around strangers, would do their bidding to distract herself from her feelings, would laugh and chat and keep the world at peace for another day, another week, another moon, however long it took until she too could follow her heart into that uncertain danger, until she could pull that broken piece back to her and be whole again. Until she could gaze upon those smiling blue eyes that looked at her with unconditional love and trust.

_ “I love you, Alphinaud.” _

Tonight, however, she would let herself be consumed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This kind of bubbled out of me after finishing the new MSQ, boy was that an exciting one! If you haven't played it yet (and why haven't you if you purposefully clicked on this,) GO DO IT!
> 
> While this is a one-off for now.. I do have a second chapter brewing in the back of my mind...
> 
> Poor Eolyn has it bad, doesn't she. Be patient, Eolyn! I foresee many commiserating tea parties with Alisaie in your future.


	2. Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alphinaud reflects on recent events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (As before, 4.3 MSQ spoilers below.)

Alphinaud tied his coat around his waist, hoping the lighter colored tunic beneath would soak up less heat. He wiped at his brow as he continued forward, slowly trailing behind the group of still-unknown saviors in front of him. While it wasn’t particularly  _ hot _ in The Burn, the sheer lack of any sort of shade, or vegetation, or  _ anything _ that would normally cool them down made what little heat there was seem stifling. 

He was beyond grateful when the sun finally began to set and Shadowhunter had stopped, picking a small dune with a slight overhang as their place to camp for the night. The lack of anything did provide  _ one _ benefit in that any more Garleans looking to attack would be easily spotted from afar. The coming darkness would only further shield them from potential attack, or so Alphinaud hoped.

While he wasn’t unused to camping out- not anymore, he was still beyond exhausted. The day’s events, including the crash and subsequent fights, had left his body sore and bruised. Alphinaud tentatively poked at his shoulder, wincing in pain as he hit a tender spot. Despite the adrenaline rush, and a few physick spells in between fights, it seemed he would just have to heal the natural way.

If it was true that the Burn had all its aether drained, then Alphinaud would have to be more conservative with his own. While he had a few bottles of ether on his person, he hoped he wouldn’t have to use them unless absolutely necessary- and that they would avoid any further fights until they were somewhere a little more amenable. 

Alphinaud flopped onto the ground, considering summoning a carbuncle to lay against as a makeshift pillow, but decided against it. He balled his coat up instead, wedging it behind him before leaning up against it.  _ If Tataru saw the shape my coat was in, she’d murder me for sure…  _ He hoped that she was safe back at the Ruby Bazaar- or had she been off on another adventure in the Ruby Sea? He couldn’t recall. He hoped everyone was safe back in Doma, picking up in the aftermath of Yotsuyu and Asahi’s destruction.

The group’s meal was meager at best, a few dried rolls, some water, and what looked to be some sort of stew made from dried vegetables. Alphinaud could feel the hunger gnawing at the back of his mind still, even after he’d finished- his body’s desperate cry to replenish the aether he’d used. Everyone stuck to themselves in the camp, the Garlean soldiers chatting quietly amongst themselves, while the three ‘Shadowhunters’ sat off to the side, scanning the horizon. Alphinaud was left only with his own thoughts to keep him company.

Exhaustion starting to set in, his mind wandered to his other companions. While he’d put on a stoic face in front of the group, the defeated look on Alisaie’s face at his departure had almost made him reconsider his decision. Her normal sass and biting quips had left her as she instead looked away, refusing to look him in the eye one last time. Was she disappointed? Angry? Worried, most likely, even if she knew his choice would ultimately be beneficial. He could understand her upset, after all, if it had been her making the same choice, he would have done his utmost to try and stop her.

And yet, here they were, crashed in the middle of a deserted wasteland with naught but the clothes on their backs, instead of cruising into the heart of Garlemald itself. If not for Shadowhunter’s group, would they have survived at all? Alphinaud curled his lips into a frown, refusing to consider what may have happened instead.

Instinctively, he reached up and tapped at his linkpearl, hoping for the anxious voice of his sister’s on the other end, but was met once again with static. Of course it was futile, in this land bereft of any life at all; the several times he’d tried earlier on their trek had been the same. Sighing, he pulled out his grimoire instead, removing his quill and flipping to the back of the book where he kept a few loose pages of paper- usually for sketching whatever caught his fancy.

He let his hand wander, hoping just putting pen to paper would be enough to encourage him to sketch something of interest, only to find he’d been drawing  _ her _ face. The woman who’d been his greatest ally and closest friend.  _ His  _ Warrior of LIght. Alphinaud sighed deeply, setting down the pen. While Eolyn had put on her own brave face at his announcement to depart, he’d seen the way she’d clenched her fists tightly, blinking back tears. She’d flashed him a bright smile and her usual nod, doing her best to be encouraging, once again hiding her true feelings somewhere deep within.

“ _ I believe in you, Alphinaud!” _ The words sent a pang of guilt through his heart at their memory. While his sister may have been upset, or disappointed, that was something he could live with- they both knew their duties and been apart many times before. But when he thought of  _ her _ \- Alphinaud swallowed, feeling a sudden lump in his throat- his heart began to race and his chest felt heavy. 

When  _ was _ the last time they’d been apart? He couldn’t recall it being more than a few days at most, and never a very great distance. It seemed in the years previous he’d grown closer to Eolyn than his own family. She’d been the one to pick him back up when he’d fallen into the depths of despair after the failure of the Crystal Braves. Had let him tag along all throughout Coerthas and Dravania at her heels. Had smiled and encouraged him and saved him countless times over and over again. She’d been the very reason to keep going, to keep moving forward, his inspiration to protect Eorzea- to save the world.

Alphinaud picked up the pen again, working once more. Somehow, he’d gotten so used to gazing upon her smile, watching as her purple eyes danced in the light that he’d found himself hoping she’d just somehow appear before him. The way she effortlessly moved while she worked. The small wrinkle that formed between her brows when she was lost in concentration. How she laughed at his jokes, even if they were terrible. How she lit up any time he entered a room…

He’d given his own smile in return, trying to hide the sudden pain within his chest when they’d said their goodbyes.  _ She _ believed in him, and somehow that was both encouraging and absolutely terrifying. Everything that he’d done up until this point seemed suddenly so small, so insignificant compared to the task ahead of him.

And yet here they were, lost in some forgotten desert. He’d been foolish once again, thinking he could just walk right into Garlemald. Alphinaud sighed sadly, glancing down at the sketch in his lap, at Eolyn’s smiling face looking back up at his, and let the few tears forming in his eyes drop and mar the paper. He wanted nothing more at this moment than to see everyone again, to see  _ her _ smiling face again. To be welcomed by friends and family, instead of lost among strangers.

 

Alphinaud gave a silent prayer to the Twelve, hoping he would not disappoint them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was listening to some good music and this all flowed out at once! Not quite what I'd originally imagined, but I liked it. Hopefully you did, too!


	3. Alisaie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Warrior attempts to cheer her elezen companion.

Eolyn’s heart hurt every time she saw Alisaie standing there, hand on her hip, staring wistfully at the entrance to the Rising Stones. The girl rarely moved from her spot, except to sleep or eat, taking as short a time as possible before dutifully returning and remaining nearly motionless once more. The rest of the Stones whispered sadly out of earshot,  _ “She looks so lonely- She’s like to wear a hole in the grounds standing there all the time! -Is there naught that can be done?” _ before shaking their heads and returning to their own work.

While the pain in her own heart was no less dulled, Eolyn at least knew that her line of work would eventually drive her and Alphinaud apart, not that that made it any better. The realm always needed some help, and the past moon had at least afforded her ample distraction from her own longing thoughts. But to see Alisaie seemingly so  _ lost _ , she had to do something.

Scratching her cheek, Eolyn studied her awhile from a nearby table, deep in thought. 

What exactly could work to cheer the short elezen? They’d spent so much time together in the Ruby Sea growing closer, and now Eolyn felt completely at a loss for what to do. Alisaie  _ did _ enjoy combat, and was always seeking a reason to practice her skills, especially after her injuries had healed, perhaps Eolyn could suggest a spar?

She was nearly out of her seat when the thought struck her; Eolyn was a  _ bard _ , and perhaps suggesting to Alisaie of all people that she should practice her skill at dodging arrows was a bit insensitive. Sinking back into her seat, Eolyn let out a sad sigh.

Tea and sweets? The luncheon in Limsa Lominsa right after the liberation of Ala Mhigo had gone surprisingly well, and even if Eolyn didn’t particularly care for sweets herself, perhaps it would work to cheer Alisaie up some. Even  _ if  _ Eolyn had made tea three times this week already. Determined to do  _ something _ , she stood, heading out of the stones and toward Rowena’s in search of suitable sundries.

\--

The two sat awkwardly across from each other at the table, teacups in hand and a spread of half-picked at sweets dotting the table. Eolyn frowned at each sigh that escaped Alisaie’s lips before she picked at a bite or brought the cup to her lips, eyes still focused on the doors beyond.

Hoping to lighten things, or at least break the horrid silence, Eolyn cleared her throat.

“So,” She began, unsure of  _ what _ exactly to say, conversation was never her forte, always Alphinaud’s… Dashing the intruding thought, she continued, “I’m surprised you’ve been staying at the Rising Stones all this time. Usually, you take the first opportunity you can to stay at the Waking Sands instead.” Not the best conversation starter, but one nonetheless.

Alisaie simply shrugged from her seat, glancing down at the cup still in her hands, “I thought it important to stay here. The Rising Stones  _ is _ the Scion’s current headquarters, and should Alphinaud care enough to grace us with a call,” she bristled, gritting her teeth, “I would be better able to mobilize the group from here.” Glancing up at Eolyn, Alisaie narrowed her eyes, “Unless you mean to say my presence here is a nuisance?”

_ Great start, Eolyn. _ Frowning, the highlander shook her head, “Not at all. I was only pointing it out. That and, well, you and Urianger always seem so close, I figured that you’d seek him out for-” Alisaie quirked a brow, as if challenging Eolyn to finish that thought.

“ _ What _ , exactly, are you implying?” Eolyn shrugged, turning to stare out the nearby window instead. “Urianger is distraught enough from the news as it is. I’d only further distract him by moping about there.” With a huff, Alisaie set her cup on the table before standing.

“I think I’ve had enough tea, thank you.” Turning, she made her way down the hall. With a groan, Eolyn buried her head in her hands.

\--

It was nighttime before Eolyn made her own way down the hall, headed to her room. Another afternoon of adventuring had done little to ease both the pain and worry about Alisaie. Why had Eolyn only managed to make things worse? She paused a moment in front of Alisaie’s door, hesitating. Saying something more might only compound the problem, but she couldn’t just let it go. Steeling herself, Eolyn stood straight, knocking gently.

“Come in,” Was the quiet response from the other side. Opening the door slowly, Eolyn peeked her head in. Alisaie was curled up in bed, a book in her lap. Her eyes and cheeks were a bright pink and puffy as if she’d been recently crying.

“Mind if I hang out for a bit?” Alisaie closed the book carefully, before nodding and patting the space next to her. Stepping over, Eolyn climbed into the bed, curling up and wrapping her arms around her knees.

“I apologize for earlier, by the way,” She started, “I’m afraid I’m better at slaying primals than I am at comforting others. Alphinaud’s always been the smooth talker.” A small chuckle escaped her lips at the thought. Eolyn glanced over, noticing a small smile forming on Alisaie’s lips as well. “It’s just, you seem so sad, and understandably so, we all are sad.  _ I _ miss him dearly, too. I just don’t know what to do to fix this in the meantime.”

Alisaie shook her head, the smile gone as quickly as it was there, “There is naught you  _ can _ do, I’m afraid.” She sighed, leaning up against Eolyn’s side, “It’s just that... We were  _ finally _ reunited after so long apart, and getting along for once. Working together. And then he goes and  _ runs off _ without a second thought,”

A smaller, annoyed sigh escaped her lips, “He didn’t even stop to consider how  _ I’d _ feel about it. I know, I know, everything for the sake of the realm, but he could have at least asked me to come along. I am hardly the invalid I was, and I would prove useful in battle- surely he realized that walking into the hornet’s nest itself would be dangerous and not without challenge... So, why then, did he decide to do it alone?”

“I could make a remark about how he’s only trying to protect you, but you already know that.” Eolyn wrapped an arm around Alisaie, pulling the smaller woman into a hug, “It feels so awful, doesn’t it, being left behind, unable to do anything at all. To feel so helpless, for once. But I suppose all we can do is wait, and trust in your brother’s skill. I  _ do _ trust he’ll be alright, else…”

“Else Garlemald will be reduced to rubble by your hands alone. Well, both our hands, really.” Alisaie smirked up at Eolyn, before shrugging her shoulders. “What? I’ve seen how you stare at my brother so,” Alisaie teased, “And Twelve help anyone who dares harm a hair on his head with us around.” 

Eolyn returned the look with an innocent one of her own, “What, exactly, are you implying?” It was a relief when Alisaie finally began to chuckle, before wiping a few tears from her eyes.

“I know he’ll be fine, but you’re right, this constant useless feeling is beyond maddening.” Alisaie let out one more sad sigh, looking to the chronometer across the way, “I suppose, for now, sleep is in order so that we’ll be refreshed and ready for whatever tomorrow brings.” Nodding, Eolyn removed herself from the bed, making her way back to the door. She paused, turning back to the elezen.

“I think of you as a sister, you know,” Eolyn put a hand on her hip, wagging the other arm in the air with a pointed finger, “And, while you are doubtless aware I cannot replace Alphinaud’s wit and eloquence easily, I am here for you should you need it. We can lean on each other.” Alisaie nodded from her spot, attempting to hide another small smile.

“Then again, should you need a  _ different  _ kind of comfort, perhaps Urianger would better-” 

Eolyn neatly dodged the book that was tossed at her head, closing the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene sort of burst into my head earlier this morning, so here it is! (Also I cannot help but pepper minor shipping into everything I write..)


	4. Bittersweet Starlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eolyn tries to be cheery, even when the world is falling down around her ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! 4.4 spoilers!

Eolyn frowned at the face staring back at her from her mirror, poking gently at the dark circles that had seemed to form under her eyes in recent moons. She gave a sigh, wondering if she should start to consider wearing more makeup. Giving a shrug, Eolyn smoothed out her unusually festive coat one last time, before picking up the small present sitting beside the dresser.

Today was not the day for moping. The past moons had been… unkind, to put it nicely.  _ Horrendous, to put it not so nicely _ . But today it was Starlight. A time for celebrations, gifts, and other such merriment. And while most of the Scions were separated, be it by distance or some mysterious slumber, there was still  _ someone _ around that needed looking after.

Making her way out of her room and down the hall of the Rising Stones, Eolyn spotted the lone elezen teen, back turned to her from her seat at the table, quietly nursing a cup of tea. It seemed all Alisaie did lately, beside dutifully checking on each of the Scions slumbering still down the hall, was sit and look quietly out the window, tea in hand. Eolyn couldn’t even remember the last time she’d seen Alisaie practice sparring, or chatting with others, or just… Being anything beside sullen.

Not that she blamed Alisaie. Eolyn wasn’t much better off. Dungeons and crafting could only go so far as a distraction, and while she’d enjoyed the company of a few friends, it was only a temporary aid. Inside, Eolyn felt just as lost and faraway as Alisaie looked.

But this was Starlight. Enough of this. Making her way over, Eolyn plopped down into the seat across from Alisaie, carefully sliding the small wrapped present across the table.

“What’s this?” Alisaie set down her tea long enough to give the present a curious lookover, gently picking it up and giving it a small shake. Eolyn cringed inwardly, hoping the contents inside weren’t being broken apart too badly. Instead, she offered a small smile to the shorter elezen.

“Your gift. Merry Starlight.” Alisaie’s amused look turned into a small frown as she chewed her lip suddenly, setting the present down.

“I can’t.. I didn’t get you anything in return. In fact, I’d completely forgotten it was Starlight at all.”

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t need anything in return.” Eolyn nudged the present back closer to Alisaie, “Open it.”

Still frowning, but doing her best to look grateful, Alisaie carefully opened the package. She let out a small gasp as she lifted the lid off, immediately reaching in and pulling out a small ginger cookie, carefully cut into the shape of a tiny man.

“How did-  When did you the have time to  _ make _ me something?” Eolyn shook her head with a small laugh.

“I’m afraid they’re only store bought. I’m not much of a baker. Or a cook.” She shook her head again as Alisaie offered the cookie over to her, “No, they’re all for you. I’m not big on sweets anyway.”

Nodding, Alisaie took a bite of the cookie herself, cleanly removing the ginger man’s head from his body. She let out a small giggle at the action, before the sad look behind her eyes returned. Setting the remaining bit of cookie down, she looked over at Eolyn again.

“How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Remain so.. Calm all the time. It seems it takes me everything to not fall to pieces almost every moment of the day, and yet here you are, still moving forward. Always busy. Somehow still finding  _ time _ to bring people Starlight gifts.” Alisaie chewed her lip again, “I guess I’m slightly envious of your skill.”

“Perhaps it’s just some secret perk of the Echo.” Eolyn lied, faking a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. It wasn’t as if  _ she _ wasn’t ready to fall apart either. In fact she had, several times over, and most every night. She couldn’t remember a day where she hadn’t considered just giving up.

But, she couldn’t. Not now. Not when everyone needed her. The Scions broken apart, Alphinaud in some distant land, the realm on the cusp of some great disaster -- she had to be strong,  _ especially  _ for Alisaie. And so she kept on going, day in and day out, trying to distract herself with dungeons, and crafts, and Starlight cookies in the hopes that eventually some good news would be revealed to them. Something she feared would be long in coming.

Ignoring the despairing thoughts in the back of her head, Eolyn instead reached out, placing her hand atop Alisaie’s. She offered another smile, a more genuine one this time, before squeezing the hand lightly.

“I’ll fix this.” She did her best to sound reassuring, even if she didn’t completely believe the words herself. But, Eolyn hoped, mayhaps they would make Alisaie feel a little better.

“I’ll fix this, and we’ll get everyone awake and home and together again.” Eolyn squeezed Alisaie’s hand once more, “Perhaps next Starlight we’ll all be sitting around this table, laughing and celebrating together, mm?”

Alisaie merely nodded, giving a small smile as she reached up to wipe a few stray tears with her free hand.

“Yes. You’re right. There’s no point in being mournful, on Starlight of all days. Perhaps next year  _ will _ be better. For now, however,” Alisaie took a bite of another cookie, “We will enjoy ourselves a small while.”

Eolyn hoped they were both right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, got the angsty Starlight story out of the way... Onto writing the much cheerier one.
> 
> I know things are going to get worse before they get better but... Ugh, I just want everyone to have a happy moment again.


	5. Despair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Warrior of Light is feeling a bit hopeless after recent events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last warning, 4.5 spoilers!

_Wake up. Well, you were already awake._

_Get out of bed._

_Brush hair and teeth, and put on clothing._

_Make way out into the Rising Stone’s main hall._

_Smile politely at proffered tea and food and shake head, exclaiming you are busy and have already eaten._

_Pretend to leave the Rising Stones under the pretense of adventure._

_Climb into the Infirmary window from outside to avoid being caught (and kicked out) and/or have Hoary block you at the door and tell you to go rest._

_Carefully check that everyone is, indeed, still alive and breathing._

_Sit by Alphinaud and Alisaie’s bedsides and try not to cry._

_Cry anyway._

_Finally fall asleep until a chirurgeon (or worse, Krile) wakes you up and forces you to eat/drink something/go to your own bed._

_Reluctantly make way to own bed._

_Lay awake until morning._

_Rinse, repeat._

“It isn’t fair,” Eolyn muttered to herself more than the two sleeping figures beside her, “I’m not some fancy Sharlayan scholar. I can barely _cast_ magic, let alone properly heal someone, or follow their aether, or any sort of specialized things.” She huffed, reaching out to gently stroke Alphinaud’s bangs from his face, “All I can ever do is nod politely, or shoot the enemy down with an arrow. A solution that won’t fix this problem. I can’t do anything to help..”

“That’s not entirely true, and you know it.” The sudden voice in the room made Eolyn nearly spring from her chair. She turned, facing the dreaded yellow cat-eared hood of one particular lalafell.

“Krile- you’re in early today.”

“And so are you. I was hoping Ephemie’s assurances that you had actually _left_ the Rising Stones were true for once.” Shaking her head, the small lalafell made her usual rounds, carefully checking each of the comatose Scions before frowning and tutting under her breath. Once satisfied there was still no change, she made her way back to Eolyn’s side.

“The fact we tell you to rest isn’t just so we can hear our _own_ voices, you know. You don’t know when things will change in Gyr Abania and you’ll be needed again. What good would a Warrior of Light be fighting armies while asleep on her feet?”

Eolyn huffed in response, “I _am_ resting. Just, sitting up, in the infirmary. With my eyes open.” She sighed at how silly that sounded, even to herself.

“There’s naught else I can do, unless I just want to run around doing errands for the realm day in and day out, and honestly, that is starting to lose its charm. Especially when,” Her eyes trailed over the sleeping twins, Urianger, Y’shtola, Thancred - her _friends_ . “When I can’t do anything to help those who need it most. Every trail we find is becoming a dead end, Krile, while more and more people succumb to,” She motioned around, “This. What’s going to happen when you end up in this state, or Gods forbid, _I_ do?”

“I don’t have an answer to that,” Krile only stared up at Eolyn with that same, emotionless, _calm_ stare she always wore. “But, you can’t just give up, either. What would everyone say if you did? That they worked so hard to make a difference only for you to lay down, or, in your current state, pass out from exhaustion and die. They aren’t dead _yet_ , and neither is the realm. Neither are _you._ ”

“I’m so _tired_ , Krile.. Beyond words.” Eolyn crossed her arms, hugging herself as she leaned back in her chair, “It just feels so completely overwhelming. I’ve never had to bear it all on my own shoulders before. Not like this. I always had someone to lean on.”

“And you still do. The Scions are _still_ here. They’re outside that door right now, worrying over you when you don’t eat, or they try to stop you from sitting in here all day. They’re right here, in front of you, doing their best to find an answer and take some of the responsibility so you can do yours. They’re in Dravania, poring over books to make sure their student can be broken free of whatever _this_ is. They’re on the frontlines, fighting a war to try and bring peace to the realm. You’ve many more friends than you think, Eolyn, and you should be spending time with _them_ instead of acting like some worried wife at her husband’s deathbed.”

Krile was right. She knew that. She knew she had to keep going, even if she felt as if the world was crashing down around them all. Even if at any moment she could be _called_ just like everyone else had. Sitting forward, Eolyn nodded, before standing.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. Perhaps I do just need a few days away to clear my head. I just wish there was something more I could be doing right _now_.”

“And that thing is getting a proper meal and some rest. Remember to do that, even when you’re away.” Saying no more, Krile turned, busying herself with whatever tasks still remained. Eolyn stole one last glance at the sleeping forms around her, before making her way out of the infirmary.

_Keep going._

_Don’t stop._

_Move forward._

_For yourself._

_For the ones you love and have yet still to save._

_No matter how hard it is._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you just need someone to put you in your place.
> 
> This idea started out completely different (more comfort like) and, as usual, my characters just did their own thing, planning be damned.
> 
> Ugh, my heart hurts for the story right now.


End file.
